Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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