Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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