my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
