think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
