Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
