I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
