Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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