I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
