So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
