see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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