I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
