Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
