Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
