All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
