how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
