Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
