8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
