Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
