In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
