Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
