Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
