First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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