they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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