did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
