WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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