I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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