yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
