Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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