Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
