I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
