Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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