Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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