I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
