Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i think i just lost a toe
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
