im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
