He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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