Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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