You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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