I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
