Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
