He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cockslap morals
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
