So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
