im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
