I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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