I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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