I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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