you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
