i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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