new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
