Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
