You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
