sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
