I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
