We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i barfeds in our rink
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
