Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
