Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
