It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the condom got lost in my hair
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
