i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
